Little Talks

Ok so I know…I suck at this up dating thing….you probably thought Ryan killed me on the weekend getaway we had a few weeks ago, well he didn’t I’m still here. So let’s see….I have lots to say but don’t really know where to start. The time is flying by super fast and my departure date creeps ever closer ever nearer, I turn my back for a few weeks and now I can feel it breathing down my neck. Of course I am super excited beyond belief. I will be shortly reunited with a dear friend that is more of a sister to me. It will be so wonderful to see each other in person instead of just through Skype… (Skype in a way is like torture because you can look but you can’t touch… (And of course I mean this in a non sexual way….hahahhahahha!)) But with traveling abroad for a few months it raises a lot of questions…I know I’m not going to be there for a year but a lot can happen in the span of a few months… (I’m sure you understand what I mean…check pervious post if you need proof) At least in my life a lot of things have changed…and they have changed for the better. The question that keep racing around in my mind are….mostly silly things like…What the hell I’m I going to pack? Do I really want to pack a bikini? Will I not fit in? What if I look like an elephant next to a bunch of gorgeous Swedish girls? Of course my biggest and main concern is what will happen with my relationship with Ryan? We talk and see each other almost every single day, he is my best friend and I love him to death…but I have a nagging fear that something is going to go wrong…but maybe I shouldn’t think that way…or it will. I will miss him a lot but I just wonder if I will meet someone…I don’t want to and I’m not planning my whole trip to meet someone new….what if he meets someone? It’s just life happens and well it never really ever goes as planned, does it? Well he said he will be here waiting for me… (That is if I ever return…his words not mine!) There’s just a bunch of things to think about and a lot of factors to add and minis or divide…maybe even multiply…?? HAHAHAHAHA! Anywho….

My trip with Ryan was a lot of fun! We went to Washington and stayed with his cousin. His cousin lives out in the country. It was nice to get out of the hustle and bustle of the city….and my city isn’t even that big compared to most places. Any way I had fun. Ryan took me to go rock climbing…that was a hell of a challenge…I mostly would stray on over to the kids while and climb that so I could slide done the slide…I felt like I got a reward for getting to the top…I still had a good time. My hands swelled up so much they got all puffy and red. It’s because when you climb you use muscles in your hands that I had no idea they even existed! The next day…Ryan and his cousin took me out to a clear cut to shoot guns…I was terrified and thrilled all at the same time. Ryan had been prior to this giving me a lecture about how guns aren’t toys and yada yada yada….and he’s right… you definitely need to know what the hell you are doing…and don’t fuck around, cause it could be the last stopped thing you do. Anywho…Ryan showed me how and I shoot a few different ones a 22. 45. and some others…I have no idea…but Ryan was proud that I shot some of the big guns. He was grinning ear to ear. The best part of the trip was singing at the top of my lungs with Ryan while we drove for four hours. We were jamming out and Ryan’s voice cracks most of the time…and every time I laugh…Oh that kid is something else! He is a blessing in my life that is for sure.

The other day we had a going away/happy birthday party for my Abeulita aka Grandma. She is going back El Salvador and I won’t see her till after I get back. I usually have a blast at my family functions but I had not seen my days family in months…I felt kind of out of place…my cousin Jasmine (Who I usually am really chill with) ignored me. And well most of my cousins have kids…(it’s like an unsaid rule in dads side of the family but every year someone gets knocked up or gets someone knocked up.) I’m not a part of this club which is fine by me…no kids for me please! I will just watch from a far… (Once again that sounded creeper than what I meant….hahahaha) Any way the one thing my cousin Jasmine did decide to talk about with me was Evan. She swears she saw him at her school and thought I had to know….I got that lump in my throat, the one I always get when ever Evan comes up. I wasn’t really sure what to do with this piece of information…so I talked to Ryan about it… (Cause well Ryan goes there and I am planning on going there in the fall) It was kind of a bad idea but surprisingly Ryan provide me with the best “comfort”…well kind of…he said if I didn’t care about him it shouldn’t really matter….he’s right…to an extant…I just don’t want to deal with Evan being in my life in some shape or form….that is a factor I minus awhile ago…and I want it to stay that way. Well as we know life will be life and it will present me with whatever it wants to present me with….it’s just how I deal with what life decides to throw at me that matters.

Well that’s all folks…..for now….I’m sure we will meet again sooner than later.