This is just a day in a life of me (Alicia). In this life there are so many wonderful and beautiful things in it, at times it can be overwhelming. You need hard times in life to get where you need to go. I don’t know where I am going but I know I am meant to experience these things for a reason. At the time it makes no since but the truth comes out and you see what you were meant to see all along and you end up exactly where you needed to be.
Saturday, February 4, 2012
A Little Bit
Sometimes I wish my life had a movie sound track. Music is just one of the ways that I can express myself. At times it can be better than words....if you don't have the courage to say it yourself, say it with music. A few days ago Ryan texted me and said this song makes me think of you. The song was "Because of You" by Ne-yo. I always wanted someone to do this, to just be like this song reminds me of you. I think its the sweetest thing in the world, it makes my heart sing just thinking about it. Gosh! Ryan is the best, he opens doors for me and he will just kiss my hand just because. He treats me with such respect and I know he really cares. I feel like its kind of to good to be true and a very very small part of me wants to run away...but that would be stupid! Why would I ran away from something like this? I need to push that out of my head...I am only thinking like that because of the past...and the past has nothing to do with my future that's why its in the past. The other day I realized that I maybe in love with him......Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I freaked out. I was crying and all pissed off, but than I realized why should I be? This is the best thing that has happened to you in a long time and your upset? What the heck is wrong with you? I felt so bad for Ryan he was so confused. He said he would pick me up from work and I was like no you don't have to its ok....so I texted my mom begging her to pick me up....she couldn't so I had to text Ryan asking him if he could pick me up (I felt so dumb). He said yes. (of course he would....) I was so nervous when I got in his car...I couldn't tell him. That’s a huge thing to say! I don't just toss that word around. Of course the first thing he asks is “What’s up kid? Your freaking me out." I was like "Lets not talk about it...." at one point he stooped trying but it was just all strange...and I would take a deep breathe and try but I couldn't. He would be like "What?" I would say "You know....I know you know." He was so confused. I just wanted to hide. After we hung out for a bit he took me home. He was walking me up to my door when I stooped him turned to him and said..."I think I'm a little bit....in love...with...you" I was like oh shit! I said it...I did not think I would. So I than said "A LITTLE BIT" He started laughing and was like "I know kid, I knew you were going to say that all night." I wanted to hit him! I was like "So you did know! You suck!" He than said that he felt the same way. He explained to me that's why he is also freaking out...because this has never happened to him before...he has never developed feelings so fast for someone and in truth I am in the same boat. I mean I am happy and proud to tell people about Ryan, I am not embarrassed at all (That was a different story in my past “relationship“). (I think that's a good thing) Last night however is where it got real. We went out and had breakfast for dinner, its kind of our thing. (try it some time its fun) Anywho Ryan flat out said that he loves me and that he is in love with me. I was in shock. I was like "Did you say what I think you just said?" He hid his face in my shoulder and was like..."I don't know...what did you think I said?" I just hugged him and said in his ear "I love you too..." His smile was so big, so was mine. So Alicia is in love with Ryan and Ryan is in love with Alicia. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! What’s funny is after I told him that I was a little bit in love with him I realized I stole lyrics from a song. The song however is word word how I feel about the kid. (I guess I wasn't really conscious of how I felt) So I told him to listen to the song. Hahahahahaha! So my moral of this tale is…you only need 20 seconds of courage to change your life…20 seconds…I know it can be scary but if you don’t do anything about it…who else will. Stop being so hard headed and just let your feelings show…it is so worth it!
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