I Love My Loved Ones!!!!!

Hello....
I know it has been a long time since I have been on my blog. My life has been a blur I really don't have much to say about anything. A few days ago some of the best memories were made. I was celebrating Thanksgiving with my dads side of the family. They celebrate alot of things differently than alot of other families, it usually involves alcoholic beverages, loud music and non stop dancing. I shared a dance with my father, it was the best. I also saw him drop it to the floor 10 mins later that was funny! :D


I have been working alot and am just tired. Today was my first full day off of work, It has been about three weeks since that happened. I really needed a break, because I was about to break.


I will write when I can.


See Ya!!!!

I Am Alive, Just Dead On My Feet....

What is the meaning of my name?

I have always been fascinated with names. I have a theory that people that have the same name tend to be alike in some ways (of course each and every person is unique and quirky in their own way). Any way I was looking up the meaning of my name and this is what I found.

Teutonic		Noble humor.
Swedish		Truth.
Spanish		Spanish form of Alice honest.
Latin		A Latinized form of the German Alice, from Adalheidis meaning nobility.
Greek		Honest.
German		Sweet.

It appears that I am sweet, honest, truthful and a person of noble humor. HAHAHAHAHA! I feel like it’s really cool because all I ever try to do is to be honest and truthful with others and myself. That’s how I want to live my life. If you have the time to look up your name you should you could find out some interesting stuff about yourself that you never knew before………..

The Devil as He’s Talking with those Angel Eyes

I had a wonderful Birthday being 19 is not so bad, I defiantly cried more when I turned 15. (Who Knows?) I did cry however. I realized life really does go by fast, especially when you are not really paying attention. I got a lot of fantastic things when I went shopping in the big city. It was fun! I also had a great dinner with my family. I had such a magnificent superb day that I forgot about “him” for a couple of hours. Believe me it’s harder than you would think to forget about someone that you just can’t stop thinking about. Its redonkulous!!!! My birthday never seemed to end people were taking me out to dinner and among those people were August’s mother and step father. I know what you are thinking why the hell would I be hanging out with my ex boyfriends parents. Well let me tell you something. They are amazing wonderful people and if I did not have them in my life I don’t know how the hell I would have been able to deal with the shit I had to deal with the last few months. They are my friends and only want what’s best for me. They gave me a Swedish hand book and a really cool colorful picture of a black cat done by a local artist. The day after my birthday I got a package from Sweden. I was sooooo excited about the stamp for the most part. HAHAHAHAHA! And of course what was inside. I got a cd that you download on your computer to help you learn Swedish. I have been having fun with that. I got a bunch of other things but I don’t really feel like listing all the stuff I got for my “special” day. HAHAHA! Also the other day I met one of the new residents, her name is Barbro and she is from Göteborg. Sooooo now I have to Swedes to practice my Swedish with at work. How cool is that! I think it’s rather exciting myself. HAHAHAH!

 Sooooo I think I am really done with August even as a friend. I just can’t deal with the fact of what he did. I did talk to him on the phone and it was good. We had a good conversation. I just think it would be best for me to just cut him off from my life, the way I see things he decide to do that long before I did, all because he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants. HAHAHA! (Sorry for being crude but it’s the truth) If you really ever loved or even cared for that person, you would never want to do something that you know would hurt them. My plan is to just fade from his life. I don’t even he will notice or care really. But I know it’s the right decision….right? I mean he is in a psychiatric facility, and he has told me that I am one of his few “friends” that he can talk to. Whatever I am mostly at work anyway and to worn-out to talk to anyone….we shall see how this goes.

One more thing I am so grateful to have all the people that care about me and love me in my life. You are the reason why I look forward to life, to look forward to living. Even the people that I really don’t know that well you have affected my life in a way and for that I thank you.

Happy Birthday to ME!!! (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

The way my last post looks is really bugging me! I am trying to fix it.....HAHAHA! Its not really working.

Soooooo Ya today is my 19th birthday. Its crazy I feel like 18 went by sooo fast and way to much stuff happened I feel way older than 19...(but not complaining....this is my last year of being a "teen") So I better live it up. :) Today I am going to celebrate my birthday in the bigger city. I am going to see some family and then go for some much needed shopping! I never I have been much of shopper, but some one showed me the light. Also I need to find clothes that fit me better, I still seem to be losing weight, its ok that I am but I really don't want to be a twig. I would look funny, I also happen to like my lady bumps thank you very much! HAHAHAHAHA! :D I will let you all know how my B-day goes. I need to get going now. Got to get ready for a 2 hour drive....uhhhhhhhh.....yippee!

PS: Did I forget to mention that I talked to August last night. Oh ya...it happened. More on that later.

No One but You...

I've seen you stumble

I've seen you fall

I've seen you brought down

Feathers and all

Picked your self up

For the ones that you call

Your best friends

I know you've been fighting

What we can't see

Sometimes it takes many faces to be

It takes a time and a place to be free

But in the end

Who would be so cruel

To someone like you

No one but you

Who would make the rules

For the things that you do

No one but you

I woke up this morning

Looked at the sky

I thought of all of the time passing by

It didn't matter how hard we tried

Cause in the end

Who would be so cruel

To someone like you

No one but you

Who would make the rules

For the things that you do

No one but you

~ Doug Paisley

How to Fix a Broken Heart

First things first, you have to remember how beautiful, amazing and how freaking sexy you are! (Mmmmm....sometimes this can be tough….) :(

Next if you got a broken heart you are most defiantly not seeing things clearly….You are probably all like, maybe they still love me or like I’ll never love again! So all you gotta do is make sure your eyeballs are all nice and clean. :)

Sooo now that you are seeing things a little more clearly you need to relax a bit. (I mean if you’re anything like me and someone’s ripped out your heart and freaking stomped on it and used it as a freaking toy!) Then you probably have a little resentful tension right in your tummy.

So reach in there and losing up those knots.

Oh ya and if you have any butterflies in there you should let them out, because they can be soooo annoying…..

Now you can finally fix your heart, treat it gently at first, look deep inside it and see where it is broken.

Then listen to it, most of the time your heart just wants to have fun again. :D

Sooo give it a few things it will love….like a few laughs, talk of affirmations, maybe some flowers. ;)

But wait! There are some things you should avoid, like do not play games with your heart, you will lose and don’t just give your heart to anyone….you’ll never know what they’re going to do with it…. :(

Oh and if your heart is still broken just party your face off and forget about it for awhile. :D

And if you have a broken heart right now…I hoped this helped you. :)

If all else fails you know your mom and dad will always love you….( I hope that's the case, anyway....)

And you know what? I will always have my heart on for you! ;) HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Guys Suck!....(Sometimes...)

The other day was not one of my best days. I was a mess all day long. I had a day off from work and I chose to spend it crying. I think it just because I really have not had much time to reflect on a lot of things cause I am working all the time….( ok not all the time but it sure as hell feels like I am). I was mostly upset because I felt like I was cursed to spend my life alone….( I could, but I really would be nice to have someone….) I just don’t understand how you can give everything to someone and then they just screw you over like you don’t even matter. I know I am not the first or the last person to get their heart broken, but I am just scared. I just wonder if a guy will be willing to deal with the fact that I am “damaged”. But maybe he will be damaged to…..who freaking knows…..? I just know I am going to guard my heart, to the existent were people will begin to question if I even have a heart….How sad is that?

PS: August is gone and he didn’t even want to see me to say goodbye. I know I shouldn’t care but I do.

You’re Going to Break Another Heart, You’re Going to Tell Another Lie

Ok so the last few days have been busy and I am just so freaking tired. I have been working everyday 9 am to 7 pm. I love what I do but I am looking forward to my two days off. I wish I had more time off, oh well. So my first phone call with August was strange and a bit uncomfortable, for him….and a bit for me he just made things awkward from the start saying he didn’t want to talk but he wouldn’t hang up. So I was like do you just want me to hang up on you, he laughed and it was a bit better. I let a few days go by before I called him again. That conversation was way better and we talked about random things, but it was a good random. We talked for about 2 and half hours, last conversation we had lasted about 45 minutes. So it was a huge improvement. I tried calling him again last night around 9 but he was asleep. I was so tired that I decide to go to bed, he ended up calling me around 11 saying that he didn’t want to see me today. The funny thing is that I knew in my heart that the last time I saw him was going to be the last time in a long time. I just knew it. I don’t know how I feel about it. I am a bit sad but I know it’s for the best. On Monday he is being transferred to a hospital that is about two hours away. It’s not really a “hospital” it’s more like a half way house for people that are transitioning form the hospital to the real world. He is going to be there for three months, at least that’s what I understand from his mother. But I am not 100% sure. The last time I saw him he said to me that he remembers telling me that he never wanted to let me go and just wanted to hold me forever. I just looked at him like what the hell? Why are you saying this for? He then looked away and said under his breath, I am just glad that you still hug me, that’s all. Also the last time I talked to him on the phone he said that he loved me. I was in shock cause I don’t know when was the last time he said that to me, I know it’s been a long time. I guess it caught me by surprise because I have convinced myself that he does not care for me one bit, let alone love me. How can he love me? How can you hurt someone like that and then claim you love them? I just don’t get it. I never will. I just wish I knew what to do and what is going to happen, but no life is just one big mystery for me at this point.

I Am Going To Do It!

I am about to call August in two minutes! I saw him about two days ago and well I feel like I should check in with the kid. I will let you all know what happens. I just wanted you all to know that yes, I am still alive. :)


It's November! My Birthday is in 12 days!!!!! Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!