You’re Going to Break Another Heart, You’re Going to Tell Another Lie

Ok so the last few days have been busy and I am just so freaking tired. I have been working everyday 9 am to 7 pm. I love what I do but I am looking forward to my two days off. I wish I had more time off, oh well. So my first phone call with August was strange and a bit uncomfortable, for him….and a bit for me he just made things awkward from the start saying he didn’t want to talk but he wouldn’t hang up. So I was like do you just want me to hang up on you, he laughed and it was a bit better. I let a few days go by before I called him again. That conversation was way better and we talked about random things, but it was a good random. We talked for about 2 and half hours, last conversation we had lasted about 45 minutes. So it was a huge improvement. I tried calling him again last night around 9 but he was asleep. I was so tired that I decide to go to bed, he ended up calling me around 11 saying that he didn’t want to see me today. The funny thing is that I knew in my heart that the last time I saw him was going to be the last time in a long time. I just knew it. I don’t know how I feel about it. I am a bit sad but I know it’s for the best. On Monday he is being transferred to a hospital that is about two hours away. It’s not really a “hospital” it’s more like a half way house for people that are transitioning form the hospital to the real world. He is going to be there for three months, at least that’s what I understand from his mother. But I am not 100% sure. The last time I saw him he said to me that he remembers telling me that he never wanted to let me go and just wanted to hold me forever. I just looked at him like what the hell? Why are you saying this for? He then looked away and said under his breath, I am just glad that you still hug me, that’s all. Also the last time I talked to him on the phone he said that he loved me. I was in shock cause I don’t know when was the last time he said that to me, I know it’s been a long time. I guess it caught me by surprise because I have convinced myself that he does not care for me one bit, let alone love me. How can he love me? How can you hurt someone like that and then claim you love them? I just don’t get it. I never will. I just wish I knew what to do and what is going to happen, but no life is just one big mystery for me at this point.