I Can't Take This!

It really pisses me off that whenever I feel really down or miss August (Evan) he has to call me! Whats up with that shit?!! Why does he do that? How does he know that deep down, all I really want is to talk to him. I hate it. I wish I could make it stop. So right when I got off of work he called me, but I did not pick up I refused. So I listened to his voicemail and he wanted to give me an update on his life and whats new. I think he wanted to talk about seeing each other. I can't, I know if I see him I am going to brake down and cry and be very vulnerable, I never want to be vulnerable again, especially with him. Anyway he said he would try calling me again in an hour or so. Sooooooooooo I have a choice to hide my phone or wait and see at the moment if I want to talk to him. I still don't know. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I should do what I want, but what I want is not best for me or anybody. Gosh! I just need a clean brake. You know like bones. Bones can't really grow back together that well if they are still attached. Who knows...he most likely wont end up calling me back...I am hoping for that anyway.


By the way the cookie party was soooo much fun. I mostly decorated cookies. :) Ethan was the only guy there so that was kind of interesting. I made a cookie that was his "Dream Girl" It looked like a crazy stripier, it had one blue and on green eye, she was wearing a bikini and I gave her a heart in a rather funny location. Ethan asked me why she had a heart "Down There" I said "Because she love you long time" HAHAHAHA! I have never seen him so red.  HAHAHAAH! He than made my "Dream Guy" it had a six pack, blonde hair and a red speedo. HAHAHA! He also named it Maximus. A funny thing happened at the cookie party. One of my friends mentioned Evan and I was like...lets not talk about this...and of course Ethan was like "Oh come on lets here the ex story". So I said "Oh you know it's the classic tale of your boyfriend going to a mental hospital and than you wind up finding out the bastard cheated on you months before" ( I said this with a smile on my face.) Ethan started laughing, but than he saw my friends face and looked at me and said "Your not joking?" I said "No Ethan, no I am not" His face was priceless. HAHAHAAHAHAH! I can't wait to tell my future boyfriends that my ex boyfriend ended up in a mental hospital and maybe I will say it was because of me. MUhahahahahahahaha!