My life keeps constantly changing, which I love. Change is good, but too much change in the span of five weeks (ain’t ganna lie to you) it kind of sucks….I am still learning to adjust to this new reality of mine. I am learning to let go of someone I really love, it feels like an impossible task. I mean I feel like I am losing a piece of myself and in an away I am, and something new will grow in to that missing piece, I just don’t know when or how. I have sworn off guys for a long ass time (It probably won’t last long). I just need this time to figure things out. Find out who Alicia is…I thought had a clue and I do I just need to get a better clue (I am sure you understand) of who I am as a person and what I want for myself in this life. I know one thing for sure I don’t want any cheaters or liars in my life, I don’t need that kind of backstabbing hurt in my life…No one does. I have realized since my near brush with death that I am worth a lot. I matter! I am a wonderful good looking girl who just had a bad boyfriend it had nothing to do with me. That’s one thing about cheating that sucks is you begin to question yourself worth, like is it because I am not pretty , maybe I need to lose fifty pounds, or maybe you are just boring as hell and everyone sees you that way. You just think you are all kinds of messed up. I am here to say that you’re not. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you are not worth anything. Just keep on pushing on and you will grow and learn from the past and become a strong don’t mess with me kind of person (In other words a bad ass).
I feel a lot better since my accident. I can move my neck and I have been taking pain killers to help with the pain. I also haven’t been to work in four days. I am a bit upset about that cause, how will I be able to travel to Sweden if I am not making enough dough (aka money). But I needed to cause almost passed out at work from the pain in my neck. Gosh! I realized the accident could have been so much worse. I am so grateful to the universe or whatever that I am ok.
Even though I am no longer living with a Swede I am still practicing and learning Swedish. I work with a Swede in my maintenance job. His name is Jan Surstrom (Ok I know I butchered his last name, but I just spelled it out as best as I could) I know that it is a common name from the north. Jan’s father is from the north but Jan grew up in the south of Sweden about three hours from Stockholm. Any way he is my new teacher, but I am kind of developing the way the southerners speak. I hope that won’t be a problem when I go to Stockholm. (But I don’t really think it will matter much because my Swedish still sucks with my “American” accent) HAHAHAAHA! Well I shouldn’t freak out about it to much, as they say; Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow. (This saying applies to so much of my life)
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